In Memorium......

7 months. 7 months not to this day, not til the 26th. But thats how long its been since my close friend Marvin was living and laughing with me and all our other friends. I have greived, a lot, and i know that pain will never completely fade away. The reason i am talking about it today is that over the past few days he has been mentioned quite a bit. I mean its not like he isn't mentioned is some way shape or form but it has lulled to a point where we can say his name and just sort of smile a sad, wistful smile or just joke to ourselves and wave a fist in the air yelling, "MARVIN YOU ASS! WHY"D YOU LEAVE?!" Even though we know deep down in our very souls that it is a question that will never be truly answered. We can speculate and say own thoughts and feelings behind why he could've died the way he did. Why it was at this moment when it happened. I remember the night he passed away. Its seared into my memories like a painful brand. It always starts with a hospital. It will end that way too i suppose. I remember whispering into his forehead while he lay there comatose, covered in his own blood from the rocks, i said, "you need to get through this. You need to walk on that stage with us and graduate. Please." and then i kissed his head and somewhat shouldered my way through the packed room into our best friends' arms. I held on to Gino for all i was worth. A majority of that night he was my lifeline. I am positive without Gino there hugging me and whispering to my ear reminding me to breath and slow my tears just a little so i wouldn't pass out. Sure Donnie was there (he was my partial on again off again boyfriend) and held me tight and sang Bob Marley in my ears to try and comfort me. Later that same night he called me and told me the 3 words i wanted to hear from him most but he said them at the wrong time. He said to me, "I know i don't say it, but i mean it so much. I love you." i replied with the same but it wasn't the right time to say it. Today i visited that hurt with Gino for a little while and he started to cry so i did what i knew i should and wanted to do. I held him in my arms as tight as i possibly could. It peturbed me that i didn't cry. I don't know maybe i have accepted it.