Lets Not Swear

Ok Hello again. I am starting off by saying i am a catholic. It seems a tad unusual to start off that way but its important. It is the season in my religion for us to give up something for lent, in order to better understand what Jesus went through and such. I don't pretend to know all the details, but i get the idea. Well me and my twin have decided to give up swearing for the 40 days and 40 nights (did ya see the movie? I did i liked it) anyway, its proving to be a lot more difficult then originally anticipated.
Its like this, my twin and i curse on a daily basis. Sure i don't do it around family members and certain teachers(some of them are pretty cool with it) but when i get around my friends? Well lets say i swear so much i could probably make a sailor proud. Its so annoying and i can't just not do lent because this year i actually want to try to make it through the entire thing and not give up like a pansy. One would think if i can not swear in front of my parents, i could totally do it full time. But i never realized how much swearing has become a part of my vernacular. Twin and i have devloped a punishment system for everytime we do slip, we get a slap on the hand. And its not those girly slaps, we do the whole i-can't-believe-you-said-that-and-now-i-will-leave-my-mark-on-you type of slap. Ugh this will be an interesting next 40 days. Wish me Luck.

Blargh

That's all i can really say. I mean today wasn't necessarily a bad one but it wasn't an amazingly good one either. It kinda just was. Um i can say that i am almost done with my painting for art, i am SUPER excited about that. Next weekend will be second Saturday and hopefully mine will be there. My art teacher hasn't completely decided on whose painting will be featured. Although she really seems to enjoy my painting. Considering that mine may not be there i will describe it to you. It has a blue purple background to signify the night sky, of to the right hand side is a woman holding the world in her hands wearing a dress that fades from blue and turns into the ocean. Behind her is a ribbon of sparkling stars and several butterflies flying thru the air. And finally a large moon in the top left hand corner with a serene face. That is what my painting looks like. Everyone who has seen it loves it, so it must be good right? Of course being the artist i guess i can never be happy with my work. After i finish a long project like this one even if it looks amazing i still don't see the beauty in it. I see the mistakes, the missed ideas, how long it took, the trouble behind it,the odd color patterns. The list goes on and on and on. Ugh one would think I'd get tired of all of it. But i do know that the time spent working on a project is sometimes the best time i have ever spent. I love the process sometimes. It helps to unwind. All my problems and my worries have gone and all that's left is my zone. My happy place, my nirvana {side note: Awesome band BTW} and in my happy nirvana, my problems don't mean jack shit. Trying to date, making sure i can write well enough in my AP Eng class so that i don't sound like a complete buffoon, dealing with peoples shit, sometimes trying to handle my family. None of it matters, its the same with reading my books or when a rabid plot bunny bites me; writing my stories. History does that for me too, ancient civilization history not US history that crap bores me. Its like that with my tea too. No one effs with ma tea! lol i am a huge fanatic, its just so yummy and healthy. =) it makes me happy when i have really good tea. God save the person who fucks with my tea. Anyway that is a bit of me out there. lol

Learn to shuffle, get a guy..

Heehee sooo here is the lastest tidbit in my life: My exboyfriend, who is still a very good friend of mine, well his best friends both have girlfriends now. Now he has no one to chill with, poor guy. Well one of his best friends is actually dating his exgirlfriend. I wonder how he's handling this..... well when we last spoke (like 10 minutes ago) he seemed fine thats good. Ummm lets see, oh i may learn how to shuffle. You know, melbourne shuffle. O wow i sound like such a noob. ugh i hate sounding like a noob. o well such is life. Well i am reading a book called Bitter Moon II: Triane's Son Rising by Amy Lane. One word: AMAZING!!!!! you must read this book. Well obviously you have to read the first one first lol. But she is an amaing writer. Read all of her books! The little goddess series is awesome. Go on her website: www.greenshill.com and read some of her short stories, figure out for yourself if you like her style. I love it. The best part is, she works at my school! Just to warn, her books are a bit on the pricey side but that just because she self publishes. Oh!! another little warning her books have quite a bit of .....love scenes if you catch my drift and a lot, and i mean A LOT of guy on guy love. So if this offends, do not attend lol. I just made that up. ^-^ So anyway that was my day/week so far... let's see how it turns out. til next time ^-^

In Memorium......

7 months. 7 months not to this day, not til the 26th. But thats how long its been since my close friend Marvin was living and laughing with me and all our other friends. I have greived, a lot, and i know that pain will never completely fade away. The reason i am talking about it today is that over the past few days he has been mentioned quite a bit. I mean its not like he isn't mentioned is some way shape or form but it has lulled to a point where we can say his name and just sort of smile a sad, wistful smile or just joke to ourselves and wave a fist in the air yelling, "MARVIN YOU ASS! WHY"D YOU LEAVE?!" Even though we know deep down in our very souls that it is a question that will never be truly answered. We can speculate and say own thoughts and feelings behind why he could've died the way he did. Why it was at this moment when it happened. I remember the night he passed away. Its seared into my memories like a painful brand. It always starts with a hospital. It will end that way too i suppose. I remember whispering into his forehead while he lay there comatose, covered in his own blood from the rocks, i said, "you need to get through this. You need to walk on that stage with us and graduate. Please." and then i kissed his head and somewhat shouldered my way through the packed room into our best friends' arms. I held on to Gino for all i was worth. A majority of that night he was my lifeline. I am positive without Gino there hugging me and whispering to my ear reminding me to breath and slow my tears just a little so i wouldn't pass out. Sure Donnie was there (he was my partial on again off again boyfriend) and held me tight and sang Bob Marley in my ears to try and comfort me. Later that same night he called me and told me the 3 words i wanted to hear from him most but he said them at the wrong time. He said to me, "I know i don't say it, but i mean it so much. I love you." i replied with the same but it wasn't the right time to say it. Today i visited that hurt with Gino for a little while and he started to cry so i did what i knew i should and wanted to do. I held him in my arms as tight as i possibly could. It peturbed me that i didn't cry. I don't know maybe i have accepted it.

Is it odd?

Is it odd to look at someone you know you have a crush on and feel nothing when they tell you they are going to date someone else? Is it odd to see an exboyfriend, who you have no feelings other then friendship, and suddenly want to be with them again? Is it odd to look around and even though there is nothing wrong with your vision, you sometimes see things as they would look drawn out? I think it is sometimes. I haven't had a strange day or anything, i am just having peculiar thoughts today. For instance, what are the cheesiest pick up lines ever? and Have they ever worked? Seriously, i had a whole discussion on pick up lines at lunch today! I mean it was fun, it really was. My friends and i were telling some to each other. Then my exboyfriend said one that was so utterly cheesey, it was adorable and made me want to date him all over again. Then i stopped that line of thought and said to myself mentally,'Wait a minute! He dumped you, remember? ........TWICE!' That ended that. lol But continuing with the mindless drabble, I realized today that i am going to be reminded of my single status on Valentines day. It doesn't completely bother me.............ok it does. Oh and on that same day i will attending a wedding. Talk about rubbing relationship status in the face, right? Oh well, such is life i'll get used to it. Earlier i was thinking to myself, 'man, wouldn't it be wonderful if that great guy you're friends with in South little Rock, Arkansas would send you a Valentine this year like you sent him cookies last year?' Then i realized, 'Oh yeah. We aren't speaking at the moment.' But one thing i think the United States should make a holiday here is White Day. Whit Day is celebrated in Japan. That is the day all the guys who got chocolates or anything else on Valentines Day, has to give something back to girl who gave it to them or give a girl they like something. I personally think that is a great idea. ^.^ Oh well. I just hope i have a good one this year. I just realized i have strayed off topic again....... Thats a really bad habit. Watch one day i am going to be writing about i don't know ice cream and suddenly vear off into my favorite movies. Here i go doing it again.

You know what really grinds my gears........

I hate, absolutely hate it when people interrupt me. To me thats a huge insult and incredibly rude. I can deal with it if its somehow related to what i was saying, but if its smething completely different, i mean not even in the same galaxy as what i was originally talking about then heads are gonna roll. I'm sure i overreact but its just if I'm gonna show you respect my listening to what you're saying without interrupting and if i do apologize for doing it, shouldn't you show me the same courtesy? Is that not common sense? I certainly think so. Another thing i really just do not like is when I'm on the other side of the apartment and my sister calls me into the living room, i go cuz it might be really important you know?, and all she wants me to do is fricking grab her a water bottle from like 4 feet away from her. i mean seriously are you that pumped up to irritate me and use me as a tool to further your laziness? Ugh, normally i don't complain. In fact i really dislike it when people complain over the littlest of things. I mean seriously who even gives a crap about stupid stuff like that. And i know, I'm being hypocritical. Oh well. what're you gonna do? Complain? lol *makes some sort of growling sound* I also really don't like, and this one is just really really weird, large font in books. It makes me feel like a small child trying to read for the first time. And in doing so the print has to be big. I mean really. It also makes me feel like I'm not getting the whole story. As odd as that sounds, that's just my weird slight ocdness coming out. Grarrrrr. Yes that just happened. I mean i know not everyone is going to automatically know what irritates the hell out of me but still lets keep i mind the manners our parents and peers should've taught everyone and we'll get along fantastically. I'm not saying i have perfect manners. I don't. But i do have better manners than most people do. God forbid anyone is polite anymore. (That was sarcasm BTW) But whatever. I may have anger issues. I'm not sure yet though. So that's something to look out for. What else to say.................... OH! I also really hate it when guys call me babe. I mean really?! That crap is just offensive to me, I am not some strumpet from the 40s. I am not some guys trophy girlfriend and i am nones "Babe". I am not that little pig who herds sheep. Really tho dude, what the hell?! Do they have absolutely no original thought whatsoever? but whatev.